Video: Overcoming The Fear Of Failure With True Increase

hey Channel insiders I'm your host Katie boso and welcome back to part two of my interview with Aaron Brown Chief transformation officer at true increase and founder of buron software if you haven't watched or listened to part one you're definitely going to want to head over to Channel insider.com right now to catch up because in this episode we're getting a little personal you're going to witness Aaron du a coaching session with me where I learn how to overcome some of the challenges in my own career journey and we all learn how to use these tools to open our mind get out of our own way and start our Journeys to becoming high capacity leaders if you're comfortable with it I would love to take something that you'd like to work on but I'd like to just walk you through a simple process just think of an area in your business or your work that you'd like to see exponential results in the fear of failure definitely okay my company's Three core values are trust truth and transformation and so the first one trust it's based on number one trusting myself as a guide two trusting my methodology that it's scientifically proven and three trusting that my client knows exactly what they need they just need permission and a little bit of guidance to focus on it and unpack it I'm telling you Katie this area is going to catapult your result results dramatically now I have a couple basic guidelines to help us move forward and the most important is that you would feel safe and if again somebody told me this five years ago I would have said oh that's a fluffy snowflake term right safety safy like we're safe I'm not going to do anything to you over the camera here like I can't hurt you but uh the reality is is your lyic system is the strong man in our brain your prefrontal cortex is much smarter much more capable of creating results results and outcomes but the lyic system is much stronger and much faster so if you feel threatened in any way or uncomfortable in any way your creativity and your connectivity start to shut off and shut down this is the secret this is the Neuroscience so for us to feel safe you have to be in control you have to get to be in the driver's seat so the second thing is I want to encourage you to speak for yourself right like you self- Advocate because this time this few minutes we'll spend here is all about getting what she wants I'd like you to close your eyes okay so what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to start with uh changing your breathing pattern and I'd like you just take uh longer not forced but long deep breaths and I'd like you to breathe out longer than you breathe in yeah and and our goal is just to get just to get comfortable and relaxed again we're letting our nervous system know that we're safe and we're letting our lyic system just take a little nappy time take a little break so that our prefrontal can take over before we dig in I want to teach you a warmup exercise and I want you to go back in your memory and I want you to take me to a time when you felt maybe the most safe or the most peaceful in your life the most rested and without opening your eyes I want you to tell me where are you when you felt super peaceful super at rest and I want you to paint a picture for me so I can actually go there with you I'm definitely picturing my family and waking up uh at my parents house on a summer day after not living there uh full-time anymore and just waking up and seeing them uh out on the back deck eating breakfast and my husband's there too uh and just being a family and being in the moment and just being very peaceful awesome so give me some sensory data bring me there it's the back deck is is one that my dad built and rebuilt several times uh and it's painted red and there is a round table glass table with an umbrella and everybody is sitting around it my dad has a newspaper my mom has a Kindle everybody has a cup of coffee my sister is there as well it's her day off and everybody looks up when when I come out uh with my husband as well and just greets us and just happy to see us the way the sunlight pours into my parents backyard um is very peaceful it's very quiet I can hear a lot of birds potentially a lot of cicas this time of year um but it just feels like a moment where nobody's expecting anything of me and I can just sort of sit down and let the Day begin to unfold yeah it's good stay there if you can um first of all I'm there with you like I can see the whole scene so thank you for sharing that memory with me your Neuroscience your whole chemistry changed and what was released in you is called oxytocin it's the rest and relaxation hormone or what they call the feed and breed hormone when that chemical is released it counterbalances all the cortisol all the adrenaline that's been being released you on a day-to-day basis with all the stress and fear and anxiety and hustle and beeps and clicks I'd like you to hold up your hand I don't have to see it on camera but like you're holding a mason jar and I want you to take in your other hand you've got the lid to that mason jar and what you're doing is you're bottling up that memory of safety and acceptance and love and you're going to close that save it in the jar and you're going to set it on your desk for later and this is something you have the power this is the power of memory in the five senses and why we learn through experience you can actually learn through experience that's not actually happening your Chemistry changed because your brain took you there through memory through Visual through sight through sound you know the most powerful of the senses is actually this the old factory this the smell so if you can attach smell to it uh it's even more powerful but you're going to bottle that up and next time you notice that you're shallow breathing or you've got a a outcome that you're responsible for you're going into a big meeting or an interview or whatever you've got something going and you find yourself just carrying a little bit of tension your shoulders are tight you can grab that jar with your hand you can unscrew the lid and you can just let that memory out and you can go back and you can visit it anytime you want and your Chemistry will change your limic will relax and you can slide up to your prefrontal cortex and tap in the greater connecting and creating and so with your eyes closed still I'm want to take you into a second exercise and this is where we'll we'll camp out and so um you said that your biggest challenge is fear of failure so what I'd like you to do is continuing to breathe I'd like you to uh tell me about the first time you felt like a failure there was a time in my 20s when I was was a news anchor and my new news director at the time uh told me she was going to take me off the anchor desk um and it was a really devastating period of time in my life I didn't get a lot of answers as to why um it didn't end up happening because I worked really hard and I also started to let go of what's the worst that could happen because in my mind it already had um yeah but I remember in that moment in in the office and her telling me that it was probably up until this point the most devastating moment in my career uh and that's definitely the first time that I felt the worst had happened yeah and and first of all with your eyes closed still I I just want to say you're super brave for sharing that um and and the secret to making transformation neurologically and tapping into your greater potential is courage curiosity and vulnerability I want to ask you um as you share that story with me I'd like you to share where do you feel that in your body I can feel like a heat in my ears and in my in my jaw it's kind of coming up through my neck uh wow that is that's good good okay so you feel hot in your ears your jaw and your neck okay so that's how you feel physically now I like you to try to what emotions are coming up like anger or sadness or fear or betrayal like what are the emotional words that you identify with um shock uh shock yeah heartbroken um disappointed um and definitely helpless so those are feelings you're feeling when that you're neck flares up and your ears and your throat are hot or your jaw right if that Sensation that heat in those places if it had a voice what would it say about you at that moment it would probably say they were right they were right yeah and what were they right about that I wasn't going to make it in the profession that I wanted to um and that I wasn't believably intelligent or charming or hardworking yeah or anything that could get me to that point or past that point yeah K that's really good um I know it's painful but you're getting to the core of what's been holding you back and so um they were right you're not going to make it you're not believe aable or smart enough or charming enough or hardworking enough that's the lie that's the Warped representation of reality that you've been believing so that's what we call a powerless belief and you even use the word helpless that means that others are have power in the situation and you don't you can't you don't have the agency or the ability to make the difference or produce the outcome in your life that you want and the good news is it's just not true but you don't believe that just yet but you're going to in a moment so I'm going to ask you what would you like to believe about yourself when it comes to failure or success or your charm or your intelligence or your work ethic what what do you know is true what would you like to believe a rest on I'd like to believe that I have the natural Talent along with the years of experience that can show me I can learn to do anything uh within the profession that I've chosen and that I can do it and I had all the raw ingredients as well as the the gumption to make these things happen and then I was worthy yeah okay so now we're getting to the the nut of it this is this is the center of the core so this is interest this is It's fascinating from a a nerdy scientific perspective because as a I'm going to have you open your eyes now and join me and great work um we're not quite done but uh we're we're rounding to the finish here and you've heard of affirmations they don't work otherwise all these people were tell themselves affirmations they'd have massive change however identifying a real life experience which showed you a different truth and choosing to anchor on that truth does work and what happens is it can overshadow this Hal truth or lie that you've been believing and we all do it so you're not unique in this this is common the most common belief that I deal with with high-capacity leaders is I'm not good enough and that's in essence what you told me is they were right I wasn't going to be believable or charming enough or work hard enough to you know get what I want I'm not good enough so as we identify these beliefs and that's they're just beliefs it doesn't mean they're true and we can replace them with actual verifiable truth my mind if it can recognize is truth it can fixate on that what we fixate on is is how we move and how we function our belief drives our thoughts drives our Behavior so the last word you said was worthy I don't think the belief you need is about your charm your work ethic or your intelligence I think you know you've got all those in Spades that's not really the thing that's holding you back I believe the thing that's holding you back is the doubt that you're worthy of it it so this is where the rubber meets the road we need to write a new belief that is you've got evidence to back up that shows you you're worthy of it so I'm going to ask you one more time to close your eyes if you're comfortable I'm gonna ask you to tell me one more memory I'd like you to go to a time in your life where you felt totally worthy totally loved totally accepted it might be the best ever might just be one of your experiences and I want you to tell me that story same same year actually as the other one uh I was nominated for an Emmy Award and just the fact that I was nominated was an incredible feeling um and I remember I didn't know um I was on a different shift uh I had the morning shift so I was it was now late afternoon I was probably getting ready to go to bed and a friend of mine and cooworker called to break the news to me and I remember feeling like I did it that thing that I always said that I was going to do it wasn't even just about winning it was about being recognized as a a player in that space yeah so eyes closed still you're make me cry um I'm so excited for you what room were you in what house or what where were you living at the point like what room where are you I was in my teeny tiny apartment just kind of watching some TV and hanging out with my cat um probably going over some emails and thinking about what I was going to cover the next day and just feeling very much on the verge of tears uh when I got that call and I felt like a a warmth in my chest not a heat like like I had felt the in the first story but warmth almost like bath water gently falling over me that's that's definitely the emotion that I felt and started in my heart my cell phone rings and she you know says congratulations Emy Nomine and I remember like my jaw just fell open I was just so thrilled because it felt like I did it what did you learn about yourself in that moment what voice did you hear they were wrong yeah and I I want to massage that belief a little bit and suggest that you gave us the clue earlier what you really learned but have forgotten or um has been quieter than this other thing you learned was that you are worthy you worthy you're capable and so um I want to encourage you to pick a a tagline a phrase a new belief and whether it's I'm worthy and capable or um some variety of that that's your own words and I want you to write that somewhere put it somewhere where you're going to see that phrase and that's going to be your catchphrase for a season maybe permanently and um whenever you find that your neck and jaw and ears are getting hot that's your early warning system of your nervous system saying hey we're feeling threatened like I'm not believable or charming or hardworking enough or they might be right um and you're going to be able to go back to this the memory that you've you're going to take your hand you're going to bottle up in the Mason jar you're gonna you know lock you're going to close the lid and save it on your desk next to the other one you say I am worthy or I am worthy and capable whatever you're saying is that you have pretty sufficient evidence for based on that nomination and I'm willing to bet that you have a lot more evidence like that so I'm going to encourage you to do one more exercise um what after we're done and that is that you would give yourself 10 to 15 minutes of reflection time and sit down in your favorite spot currently and I'd like you to come up with a l as many items as you can in that 10 to 15 minutes of evidence that you are worthy and capable or whatever support evidence you have for that saying that you pick and what you're doing is you're retraining your nervous system and you're carving new neural Pathways in the process and anytime something comes up where you get to uh more evidence either past that you're reminded of or in present day that it comes up I want you to add to that list and better than writing it in a journal or on a piece of paper uh here's another Shameless plug go to my burgeon app um and you can add it in there in your lad module so go ahead and open your eyes now I'm all how you feel there were some tears there were some tears was that too painful it wasn't it wasn't it was not necessarily painful I felt it was freeing honestly how's your neck and shoulders feel pretty good pretty good yeah one of the most common um responses I hear is I feel lighter I feel my neck doesn't hurt my jaw doesn't hurt why cuz neurologically you've actually changed you had an experience like the one on your parents back patio right um that released oxytocin that released these positive hormones that that they flush out the adrenaline and the cortisol that are constantly being released in your system if we want to reach out and experience what I just did and experience coaching experience your methods of true increase where can we go sure my website true increase.com or there's a QR code for our virgin app or software and um you can reach me on LinkedIn or email at aaron. brownr increase.com Aaron thank you so much for sharing your expertise your experience and your thoughts with us today I very much appreciated this Katie great talking with you and you are worthy and capable and great talking with you today thanks again to Aaron for joining me today and thank you for watching or listening you can check out all episodes of Channel inser partner POV on Channel insider.com or watch on YouTube at Channel inssider _ news and Trends you can also listen to every episode as a podcast on your favorite podcast listening platform and don't forget like subscribe and follow wherever possible so you never miss an episode once again I'm Katie boso and I'll see you next time

This transcript was generated automatically from the video's captions and may contain errors.